He doesn't like holding that eye contact, so he turns his gaze to the cuffs of his sleeves. "I know. I know you do. It wasn't about you, or about John or anything like that, really. I got over the jealousy bit a while ago, mostly."

It had been an element, perhaps, but the leading cause was, as always, a tangled mass of reasons. "I just...I don't know what to do, sometimes. I get thrown off-kilter and I try to ride it out, but sometimes it goes on for weeks and I didn't sleep for three days leading up to it, and I just thought I'd never be okay. And I didn't know how to talk to anyone about it."