iselldrugstothecommunity | But Time Takes Time, You Know [Musebox]

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But Time Takes Time, You Know [Musebox]

It's hard to research things that haven't happened yet, Howard discovers. Rather than hitting the library, like he would have on Stacy, he has to spend a lot of time thinking, sitting around talking to Barbara about every detail he remembers of his family history. Every year that passes by, the memories get a little more obscure, a little less refined, and he starts to panic, thinking that he won't have enough information to track down his family at all soon.

Over endless cups of tea, Barbara asks questions ("do you remember your mother's maiden name? do you know where your father's parents were from before they came to California? do you remember what their professions were?") to try and drag out the useful information, but it ends up being a stray memory of a Christmas dinner that puts the pieces in place.

"My grandma has to be in San Francisco. They had a one year wedding anniversary ornament on the Christmas tree of the Golden Gate Bridge, and I'm pretty sure they got married in 1969."

What they were doing in San Francisco is beyond his knowledge, but it's the closest they have to a shot. He doesn't know what hospitals his parents were born in, or where his paternal grandparents might be now, or even what year his parents are going to meet. It takes a lot of agonizing before he decides to spend all that money he's been saving in a can under the sink on plane tickets for him and Barbara to go there, but when he invites her she agrees that it's important to him, and besides, how often does one get to vacation in America?

So they both have suitcases packed and a promise to be back in ten days, waiting for Ian in the kitchen to come drive them to the airport. Howard's nervous, naturally, because he's not sure how he'll introduce himself to total strangers as their grandkid from the future. But he's come to relax a bit - a bit - over the last few years, and as such he just chews his lip and bounces his leg a bit rather than panics. He even got six hours of sleep last night. It's truly a miracle.

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Barbara watched Howard's leg bounce bounce bounce under the table. In truth, she was nervous, too. What if they didn't find who they were looking for? They could get all the addresses and information they could, but anything could be out of whack, and then the trip will have been for nothing.

But for all the nerves, and for all the worrying over 'what ifs', she was just as excited.

When Ian came down the stairs and picked up his car keys, Barbara asked Howard: "ready?"

"No." But he gets up anyway and finishes his coffee, checking the lock on his suitcase again because it just might have unlocked itself while he wasn't looking. "Are airplanes even safe in 1970?"

It's a joke, although possibly not one he should have made, since Ian's a little miffed at not being allowed to come along and make sure everything goes smoothly and non-catastrophically. Howard grabs Barbara's suitcase too, although Ian politely takes it from him.

"We'll find out," she grinned, folding her hands in front of her since she wasn't allowed to carry her suitcase. Instead she held the door open for both of them and locked it once they were out. Ian had the boot on and was packing their suitcases into it.

"You'll be alright with John for the next few days?" she asked Ian once they were all sitting in the car. Their two year old son was spending the day with Barbara's mother. She'd be lying if she told anyone she wasn't worried about what may or may not be exchanged when Ian went to pick him up.

"Of course," he told her with a smile, hiding all of the worry he was actually feeling, as he put the car into gear.

Howard likely would not have come over had John not been spending time with Joan. Howard's living on his own now, above the hardware store of a man in town. He gets reduced rent for being a live-in handyman and keeping an eye on the premises, and since it's right by a busy thoroughfare the constant sound of the street lets him sleep well enough. He's been mostly managing to cover his bills, but he's had to steal and dumpster dive a few times to make ends meet, not that he'd ever admit that to Barbara. The last few months have gone smoother, enough that he was able to save up for these tickets.

"I've got the tickets and all." He slides into the backseat, letting Barbara have shotgun as always. "How's the kid, anyway?"

He doesn't like John, or John's existence, but he at least tries to humor the two of them. The kid's still at the stage where he's doing 'new' things, although they've gotten fewer and further between.

"Good," Barbara said and turned in her chair to look back at Howard. She looked happy and somewhat relaxed, but a small amount of strain lined her eyes. "John's fine. He has a small case of the sniffles, but we've been assured that it's nothing to worry about." Although someone could have told her that before she rushed him to the doctor's office.

It saddened Barbara that Howard couldn't continue staying with them, but she wasn't certain that she would be able to stay if she'd delivered her friend's child on the kitchen floor. Still, mother, child and adoptive son were all healthy, it was only unfortunate that the 'happy' was circumstantial.

"You'll have to come and see him soon," Barbara added, "he would love to meet you."

"You could have called me and I could have told you that." He reaches a hand up to chew his fingernails and then stops. He's trying to quit that habit. He folds his hands together and chews his tongue instead, glancing outside the window as the scenery slips by.

It's not even the delivery part - Howard's managed to compartmentalize that whole thing into 'medical duties' and only stresses about it when he remembers how dangerous it is for a woman to give birth without proper modern medical care around. It's that he really can't live around children.

"Maybe in a few years, when he's old enough to feed himself and respect my space."

"We didn't want you to worry," which translated as 'we know you don't like children, and we don't want to rub John in your face'. "And everything is fine."

The traffic wasn't the worst they'd ever been through, not that it was the best, either. Ian had the break suddenly before a lorry backed into him. He let out a sigh through clenched teeth.

"Have you got copies of the addresses and things with you?" Barbara asked once they were moving again. "And the maps?" It was too late to go back and get them, but the conversation would help everyone's nerves.

Howard snorts a bit. He could shoot back that he wouldn't care about John, but he does care about Barbara and Ian and for that reason and than reason only, wouldn't want their kid sick.

He tenses as they brake. He's still worried about car accidents.

"Everything. Double and triple checked." This may be the only chance he gets until he's an old man - eventually he'll be old enough that his life will start overlapping with his childhood, but he doesn't want to wait until he's sixty. "I wrote down some other stuff we can do while we're there, you know, in case it doesn't pan out. San Francisco is supposed to have some nice museums, you know?"

Howard won't be terribly interested in museums, but he expects Barbara might want to experience America, and if this doesn't pan out he'll need a distraction.

"I'm sure it will all be fine," she told him with a reassuring smile. "We'll find everyone we need to. Maybe we'll do so with enough time to visit a museum afterwards."

"Maybe I'll destroy the timeline and this universe's version of me will never be born." He guesses he doesn't really care about this universe's version of him, so that's not a huge concern.

The airport's nearing. "Ian, you promise you'll check in and feed the cats?"

"Yes, I promise I'll check in and feed the cats," for the thirteenth time that week. In all fairness, Ian hadn't been the best at doing such things. Often it got done, but usually not until the last minute. And there was the one time he forgot.

"I've left a note by the door and another on the fridge, so he should see them," Barbara told Howard with a grin. "But of course, that all depends on how perceptive he's being."

Ian rolled his eyes and gave Barbara a look. "Do you want to miss your plane?"

Howard will never forget 'The One Time Ian Forgot'.

"We'll call once we figure out the time difference. I'll remind you then too." As the car pulls to a stop, Howard takes a breath and then hops out to get the suitcases. "We're going to be so jetlagged."

"Jetlagged, tired, sore...we're going to be quite a few things after sitting down for a day."

Ian managed to beat Barbara to her bag and picked it up for her. To Barbara it felt like he was trying to be on his best behaviour so that her last memory of him was something positive. She smiled at the idea.

"At least the hotel isn't terribly far from the airport. That way we won't have to wait long before we can have a hot shower, a cup of tea, and a nap."

"I hear it was even worse in my time. Like, TSA body scanners that would take pictures of you naked and pat-downs and stuff. I wouldn't know, I guess, never was on a plane before the FAYZ."

Howard's kind of weirded out by the fact that he's in an era where people dress up to go on the plane. Some of the women walking into the airport are wearing very nice sun dresses, and the attendants are all perfectly coiffed. He feels a bit shabby in his beat-up jacket and jeans.

"Okay, Teach." He waves at Ian. "Smell you later."

Ian waved back once Barbara's bag was at her feet, then enveloped his wife in his arms for a goodbye.

Barbara joined up with Howard a few minutes after, a few tears lined her eyes but they didn't fall. She smiled at Howard instead.

"This is very exciting," she told him. "I haven't been in an airport before."

Honestly, the only time Howard's been on a plane was to and from Woodstock (he correctly predicted that Ian would never forgive himself if they didn't go). Howard doesn't really remember enjoying the flight itself and thinks he might have slept the entire way back.

He's surprised by Barbara's tears, though, as they head into the airport. "Jeez, we're only going to be gone like a week. It's okay."

"Yes, I know," she chuckles, carefully wiping under her eyes with a finger. "But we haven't been apart in so very long. Not like this, anyway." And it was true, too. Not since before Stacey. But she'd be fine, what could possibly go wrong in America anyway?

They approached the staff, had their bags weighed, their tickets checked and a few conversational questions asked.

Where are you going?

Oh, America. To see family?

Where do they live?

Are they excited that you're visiting after all these years?

Each question was politely dodged, and both Barbara and Howard managed to make it to the lounge without rousing any unwanted suspicion. They still had a two hour wait, so Barbara asked: "Would you like any tea or coffee? Or anything stronger?"

You're traveling with Howard, Barbara. Last time you went on vacation you got kidnapped by Torchwood.

"Can I get both? I think I need both." He checks over their bags for the umpteenth time, but otherwise he isn't looking too terribly nervous (compared to how he could look). He and Barbara are getting the usual strange looks they do whenever they go out together, but he's gotten much better at ignoring them.

"You're not scared about the airplane?"

"Not yet," she said as she stood with her purse in hand, "ask me again just before we take off. I won't be a moment."

Barbara left to find them both a cups of tea and coffee, and was soon swallowed by the crowds mingling about the airport.

Howard watches their bags and waits, trying not to think too hard about what's ahead of them. He doesn't want to get his hopes up - he knows that if someone came up to him and introduced themselves as their future grandkid, he'd probably freak out, strangeness of his day-to-day life notwithstanding. And even if he forms a connection with them, what will it matter? He'll still live in England.

So instead he counts in his head, hums a snatch of Whole Lotta Love to himself, and he's drumming out the beat on his thigh when Barbara returns.

The woman serving at the cafe had given Barbara a cardboard contraption to hold their tea and Howard's coffee, plus the two chocolate biscuits she'd bought to go with them.

"I've got extra sugar," she said as she sat, and dug about in her pocket for the four extra sachets she'd managed to pick up for Howard. "Is that enough? I'm sorry I couldn't remember as well as I used to," especially as she hadn't made Howard a cup of tea or coffee in so very long.

Howard splits the sugar evenly between the tea and the coffee, happy as always for the calories rather than the taste. "Four's perfect." He's truly touched that she remembers that he always wants extra sugar at all, and it's clear in his voice.

"I haven't been gone that long, you know. Only like, two years. Did you start missing me yet?" He knows Barbara misses him, but it's good to hear it, sometimes. Even when he spent a while intentionally keeping his distance, that didn't mean he didn't honestly want to come home to them, every day. He just felt it was better for everyone if he didn't.

"Of course I missed you," she grinned because how could she not miss Howard? He was her son long before John had been thought of. "And you know you're always welcome home."

"Yeah, I know." He doesn't feel welcome as long as John's around, but he knows he can't just expect them to get rid of their kid whenever he wants to come by. "But I guess most people my age live on their own anyway. It's just kind of weird, you know, waking up every night and wanting to be somewhere else."

He's gotten so much better over the years that it isn't stressful at all to wait for the coffee and tea to cool a bit before drinking them - in sips, rather than hungry gulps.

Barbara patted his knee. She wanted him at the house but there was no point in forcing him, or trying to convince him. He'd come when he was ready, and not before.

"Well, you know our door is always open for you."

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awww Barbara

She'll be fine :)

Re: She'll be fine :)

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