iselldrugstothecommunity | But Time Takes Time, You Know [Musebox]

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But Time Takes Time, You Know [Musebox]

It's hard to research things that haven't happened yet, Howard discovers. Rather than hitting the library, like he would have on Stacy, he has to spend a lot of time thinking, sitting around talking to Barbara about every detail he remembers of his family history. Every year that passes by, the memories get a little more obscure, a little less refined, and he starts to panic, thinking that he won't have enough information to track down his family at all soon.

Over endless cups of tea, Barbara asks questions ("do you remember your mother's maiden name? do you know where your father's parents were from before they came to California? do you remember what their professions were?") to try and drag out the useful information, but it ends up being a stray memory of a Christmas dinner that puts the pieces in place.

"My grandma has to be in San Francisco. They had a one year wedding anniversary ornament on the Christmas tree of the Golden Gate Bridge, and I'm pretty sure they got married in 1969."

What they were doing in San Francisco is beyond his knowledge, but it's the closest they have to a shot. He doesn't know what hospitals his parents were born in, or where his paternal grandparents might be now, or even what year his parents are going to meet. It takes a lot of agonizing before he decides to spend all that money he's been saving in a can under the sink on plane tickets for him and Barbara to go there, but when he invites her she agrees that it's important to him, and besides, how often does one get to vacation in America?

So they both have suitcases packed and a promise to be back in ten days, waiting for Ian in the kitchen to come drive them to the airport. Howard's nervous, naturally, because he's not sure how he'll introduce himself to total strangers as their grandkid from the future. But he's come to relax a bit - a bit - over the last few years, and as such he just chews his lip and bounces his leg a bit rather than panics. He even got six hours of sleep last night. It's truly a miracle.

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"Sleep, Howard." She wanted to distract him because she didn't have any idea what she'd think about him in such a fashion. It simply wasn't in her nature to think about younger people like that.

One hand returned to rubbing his back soothingly, while the other was ready to either take the glass when Howard was done, or to catch it if his hand went limp.

"I'm not good-looking enough for anyone to want to put up with the fact I'm sick," he concludes. "And mean."

The man at the bar had said he had nice eyes. Howard rubs at them now and finishes the water. He lets her take the glass. "I'm sorry about everything, Barbara. I love you."

He rarely, if ever, says that, but such is the word of alcohol. It makes it no less true.

She sighed quietly to herself, remembering a few friends who had fallen into self pity after drinking themselves into oblivion.

"I love you too, Howard, but you really need to rest," Barbara's voice was still calm and gentle. "Close your eyes again, listen to me talk for a while."

Barbara told Howard about the time they'd traveled with the Doctor and landed on a planet that was utterly peaceful. The tranquility was so plentiful, that it could almost be felt like a kind of humidity. She told him about how Ian had acquired a shadow in the form of a small bird. It followed him everywhere. He could barely shower, or eat without the bird being by his side, and wanting to do exactly what he did.

Before they left the planet, the Doctor had to spray pheromones on another bird so that it wouldn't try and get into the TARDIS, or latch itself to the outside during dematerialisation. As much as Ian thought the bird a nuisance, he missed it after they'd gone, and moped around the TARDIS for ages.

"Okay. Sorry, I'm trying." He does as he's told. He can't really follow the story very well because his mind keeps wandering back into its dark drunken cave, but the images - birds and shadows and escaping - are always welcome. The bird makes him think of Zouichi, and it pains him that he so misses his old friend.

Eventually, he gets to sleep, and rests fitfully. Alcohol doesn't tend for deeper sleep.

While Howard slept Barbara tidied. It wasn't his fault that his self-esteem was low, but they'd have to do something about it so that he didn't repeat the experience. She had to admit, however, that it was probably an easier thing to do when someone else was buying the drinks, and that someone was being quite charming.

Once everything was tidy, and she'd showered, they had about 3 hours before they needed to leave. Barbara decided that she'd leave Howard to sleep for an hour longer, then she'd help him get ready. While she waited, she sat in the room's only chair to read her book.

Howard wakes up when the sun starts to shine through the curtains to the room. He groans and buries his face in the pillow. He got a decent amount of sleep last night before slipping out, but it still isn't easy waking up. His mouth is dry and he has a blinding headache.

"Oh, god. So this is why Orc was so violent all the time." He sits up and cradles his head, sending a peripheral squint to make sure Barbara's there. "What time is it?"

Barbara looked at him from over the top of her book - a trashy romance novel. She chose it simply because it didn't matter if she lost it, or left it behind. If it were one of her classics, she's be far more precious about it and probably wouldn't enjoy reading so much.

"Near 9am. We're meeting Hal and Rose in nearly two hours," she said in a tone that wasn't unfriendly, or unkind, but it certainly didn't give way to humour. "You need to shower and make yourself presentable, and you'll need to eat something."

He's not surprised by her lack of good humor this morning, and is almost taken off-guard that she's not being unpleasant to him. He's angry with himself, and while he doesn't remember many of the exact details of coming back to the hotel last night, he's fairly sure it wasn't entertaining for either of them. There's embarrassment and shame written all over his face.

He moves his hands down to cover his mouth and nose, then gets out of bed, grabs some clothing out of his suitcase and heads for the bathroom. "Let's not talk about eating anything right now."

He closes the door behind him and starts the shower, and feels a little better after vomiting while waiting for the water to get warm. The shower and steam help a bit too, and by the time he's dressed he feels less like death warmed over. He makes sure his clothes are all straightened and he looks presentable before coming out.

He squints and sits on the bed opposite Barbara. "You wouldn't happen to have sunglasses, would you?"

At least he looked alright, Barbara thought. Would be worse if he couldn't seem to dress himself properly.

She dug around in her purse and pulled out a pair of sunglasses that, admittedly, weren't really swayed by either gender. When Howard wore them, they looked as much like male glasses, as they did female glasses when Barbara wore them.

"How are you feeling?" she asked and closed her book.

"Thanks. Sun's trying to gouge my eyes out," he says as he slips the sunglasses on. "And like I still might puke again and someone's putting a drill through my temple. But a little better."

Food and aspirin can't hurt too bad.

"How'd you sleep before I, uh...?"

"Fine, thank you." Barbara wore a look that was a mixture between amused and slightly irritated, but her tone was still kindly. "We'd best leave. We can pick up some breakfast on the way."

Howard, being Howard, picks up on the 'irritated' bit first and decides that focusing on that is an amazing idea. "Don't be mad at me. I had to put up with that kind of shit every night in the FAYZ," he grumbles, getting his things together. "Ready."

Barbara wasn't in the mood to nurse Howard out of his irritation. Maybe she'd try once they were out of the room and into the fresh air. She opened the door and waited for Howard to exit before her. A double check to make certain that she had the key, and they left the hotel behind.

It wasn't until Barbara stopped for breakfast that she spoke again. "Are you up for some breakfast?" As she predicted, she was in a much better mood, and ready for anything.

The air helps, especially because being so near the bay, it smells like the ocean. Howard keeps trying to remind himself where he is (close to home) rather than what he's about to do (try and talk to his grandparents again).

"Yeah. Something light, I think. What sounds good to you?"

"I think I'm going to have a bagel with ham and cheese," Barbara replied and stepped forward to the counter. "What about you?"

"What you're having. Sounds fine." He checks his watch a few times - they're fine. They have half an hour left, and the aspirin is starting to kick in, thank god. "Do you want to, um, be there with me or do you think I should talk to them alone? I mean, I promise not to like. Stop breathing again or anything."

Barbara thought for a moment while they waited. She wanted to give Howard an opportunity to prove that it was all about him, rather than the both of them.

"I'll tell you what," she began a little brightly, "why don't I approach with you, and then I can excuse myself if you're feeling comfortable enough? Talk about the weather - that will be my cue - and I'll go to the bathroom, or do some shopping."

"That works. That's a good idea." He still feels a bit sluggish and stupid from the alcohol, like he should have thought of it, but dismisses that thought. They get their bagels and he downs his as slowly as he can manage, knowing he should take it easy. "If they even show up."

They get to where they're supposed to all meet at the bridge five minutes early. Howard bounces on his heels anxiously, but he seems to be holding up alright.

Barbara gave him a quick side-hug for confidence, then turned to look out into the bay. It was busy, but so beautiful. She would have to try and bring Ian back at some point.

After another moment, she thought about distracting Howard a little, but then the arrival of Rose and Hal might shock him back into not breathing again. Perhaps it was better to prepare? "What sorts of things are you going to say to them, and ask them about?"

"I just want to know more about them, without being a creep, you know? Like...in a way it's getting to know me. And I want to make sure we can keep in touch after all this, because..."

It's hard to explain. He doesn't really believe in blood ties when he consider Barbara and Ian better parents than the ones he had, but at the same time knowing Rose and Hal are out there makes him feel less like an isolated lone creature in a world that wants nothing to do with him.

"Is there anything you want to say to them? I mean, even though you're here as the moral support, just in case."

"I can understand that. And it isn't creepy," she smiled. It wasn't creepy to her, but if he came across as too keen, it could seem creepy to Rose and Hal.

"There isn't anything I can think of," she went on after a moment of considering what she may want to say. If anything, Barbara just wanted to support Howard. She'd keep quiet until such a time as they began to disbelieve Howard again, or questioned his motives. "This is all for you."

"Yeah, well. You know I have trouble drawing the line with creepy." See: watching people while they sleep, breaking into their houses at night to do dishes, so on.

He squints from behind the dark glasses at the crowds, getting his heels up on a rail to give him a little height. "I see Rose." He waves, although not so energetically, given his current state. "But Hal's not with her."

Barbara turned to look where Howard was watching and waved while she looked. Rose's wave back helped her be better spotted, and Barbara stood up to properly greet Howard's grandmother.

Howard tries to take the sunglasses off and then decides that's a bad idea. Better to keep them on and avoid feeling like his eyes are trying to escape their sockets, even if Rose thinks that's slightly weird. For the umpteenth time today, he regrets having gone out last night, and plans on never doing so again (at least until he changes his mind in a few months).

"Right on time," Rose says as she walks up, checking a wristwatch that she's keeping, for whatever reason, in her purse. "Howard, Barbara. Hal's not coming. He doesn't believe you, but he knows I believe you so he isn't worried about me running off."

She tilts her head at the glasses. Howard mumbles something to the effect of 'sorry, I'm young and irresponsible'. Rose clicks her tongue in a way that sounds odd coming from a woman so young.

"Would you like to walk? Just standing around looks suspect," she says, with a glance at Barbara. While it's not illegal, generally races don't spend that long mingling in public.

Since coming back with Howard, she hadn't notice the racial differences. As far as Barbara was concerned, she wasn't the one with the problem. All the same, she followed Rose's example and started to walk, leaving the floor open for Howard to talk.

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