iselldrugstothecommunity | But Time Takes Time, You Know [Musebox]

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But Time Takes Time, You Know [Musebox]

It's hard to research things that haven't happened yet, Howard discovers. Rather than hitting the library, like he would have on Stacy, he has to spend a lot of time thinking, sitting around talking to Barbara about every detail he remembers of his family history. Every year that passes by, the memories get a little more obscure, a little less refined, and he starts to panic, thinking that he won't have enough information to track down his family at all soon.

Over endless cups of tea, Barbara asks questions ("do you remember your mother's maiden name? do you know where your father's parents were from before they came to California? do you remember what their professions were?") to try and drag out the useful information, but it ends up being a stray memory of a Christmas dinner that puts the pieces in place.

"My grandma has to be in San Francisco. They had a one year wedding anniversary ornament on the Christmas tree of the Golden Gate Bridge, and I'm pretty sure they got married in 1969."

What they were doing in San Francisco is beyond his knowledge, but it's the closest they have to a shot. He doesn't know what hospitals his parents were born in, or where his paternal grandparents might be now, or even what year his parents are going to meet. It takes a lot of agonizing before he decides to spend all that money he's been saving in a can under the sink on plane tickets for him and Barbara to go there, but when he invites her she agrees that it's important to him, and besides, how often does one get to vacation in America?

So they both have suitcases packed and a promise to be back in ten days, waiting for Ian in the kitchen to come drive them to the airport. Howard's nervous, naturally, because he's not sure how he'll introduce himself to total strangers as their grandkid from the future. But he's come to relax a bit - a bit - over the last few years, and as such he just chews his lip and bounces his leg a bit rather than panics. He even got six hours of sleep last night. It's truly a miracle.

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"That works. That's a good idea." He still feels a bit sluggish and stupid from the alcohol, like he should have thought of it, but dismisses that thought. They get their bagels and he downs his as slowly as he can manage, knowing he should take it easy. "If they even show up."

They get to where they're supposed to all meet at the bridge five minutes early. Howard bounces on his heels anxiously, but he seems to be holding up alright.

Barbara gave him a quick side-hug for confidence, then turned to look out into the bay. It was busy, but so beautiful. She would have to try and bring Ian back at some point.

After another moment, she thought about distracting Howard a little, but then the arrival of Rose and Hal might shock him back into not breathing again. Perhaps it was better to prepare? "What sorts of things are you going to say to them, and ask them about?"

"I just want to know more about them, without being a creep, you know? Like...in a way it's getting to know me. And I want to make sure we can keep in touch after all this, because..."

It's hard to explain. He doesn't really believe in blood ties when he consider Barbara and Ian better parents than the ones he had, but at the same time knowing Rose and Hal are out there makes him feel less like an isolated lone creature in a world that wants nothing to do with him.

"Is there anything you want to say to them? I mean, even though you're here as the moral support, just in case."

"I can understand that. And it isn't creepy," she smiled. It wasn't creepy to her, but if he came across as too keen, it could seem creepy to Rose and Hal.

"There isn't anything I can think of," she went on after a moment of considering what she may want to say. If anything, Barbara just wanted to support Howard. She'd keep quiet until such a time as they began to disbelieve Howard again, or questioned his motives. "This is all for you."

"Yeah, well. You know I have trouble drawing the line with creepy." See: watching people while they sleep, breaking into their houses at night to do dishes, so on.

He squints from behind the dark glasses at the crowds, getting his heels up on a rail to give him a little height. "I see Rose." He waves, although not so energetically, given his current state. "But Hal's not with her."

Barbara turned to look where Howard was watching and waved while she looked. Rose's wave back helped her be better spotted, and Barbara stood up to properly greet Howard's grandmother.

Howard tries to take the sunglasses off and then decides that's a bad idea. Better to keep them on and avoid feeling like his eyes are trying to escape their sockets, even if Rose thinks that's slightly weird. For the umpteenth time today, he regrets having gone out last night, and plans on never doing so again (at least until he changes his mind in a few months).

"Right on time," Rose says as she walks up, checking a wristwatch that she's keeping, for whatever reason, in her purse. "Howard, Barbara. Hal's not coming. He doesn't believe you, but he knows I believe you so he isn't worried about me running off."

She tilts her head at the glasses. Howard mumbles something to the effect of 'sorry, I'm young and irresponsible'. Rose clicks her tongue in a way that sounds odd coming from a woman so young.

"Would you like to walk? Just standing around looks suspect," she says, with a glance at Barbara. While it's not illegal, generally races don't spend that long mingling in public.

Since coming back with Howard, she hadn't notice the racial differences. As far as Barbara was concerned, she wasn't the one with the problem. All the same, she followed Rose's example and started to walk, leaving the floor open for Howard to talk.

They get walking. Rose fiddles with something in her purse, and Howard seems to be staring at the top of his shoes more than usual, as if thinking he's about to walk into a pothole.

"I don't want anything from you, not really. It's just, you know, knowing you're out there. Letters, phone calls, maybe. I don't got no other family."

Rose purses her lips. "I don't know that we're family in anything other than blood, even if that crosses...dimensions, or whatever this all is. But it doesn't hurt me to keep in contact. All it is is occasional contact, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Howard rubs one of his temples. "Nice, um, nice weather today."

That wasn't shoehorned and awkward at all.

"Howard has a job as an apprentice mechanic," Barbara told Rose brightly, trying to change the subject to something less awkward. "Hopefully he'll have his own business one day - he's very good."

"Yeah, um, maybe sometime when it's just you and me I can tell you about it," he says to Rose with a glance at Barbara. That was her cue to go off and shop!

Although Barbara was only half-listening, she caught the glance and quickly searched for an excuse to leave.

"Oh, Howard!" she said suddenly, "would you look at that? You know, I haven't gotten anything for John yet. Maybe I'll find something in there - meet you back at the hotel in a few hours?"

She didn't wait for a reply, and instead headed toward an arcade of shops at a quickened pace without even a glance over her shoulder.

"That wasn't very subtle," Rose says, watching Barbara leave but always keeping an eye on Howard.

Howard shrugs. "I asked her to."

He and Rose walk along the pier for nearly an hour, talking about lots of things and nothing in particular. Howard likes to think of it as discovering a piece of his past; Rose, her future.

It's fanciful to her, like hearing a fairytale where she's the main character. It doesn't escape her notice that Howard seems to cut off the story entirely before he's a teenager, but she doesn't press - she'd rather ask the details of her future daughters, her future son-in-law, her future home and grandchildren. She seems relieved by the idea that Hal's going to be a good father and grandfather, as that was her greatest concern; she can find the tenderness in him but doesn't seem certain that he'll be able to extend it to any new additions.

As for Howard, it's as if he's unearthing these memories after they've been buried away for a long time. Every one he doesn't recall the exact details of hurts like a razor blade, but the ones he can share make him feel as if he's reintroducing himself to a Howard who didn't die a long time ago, but went into hiding - that part of him that rarely comes out these days, the childish side left in limbo from the day the FAYZ came. He's dismissed so much of his life before as irrelevant that it's invigorating to need it now, to use it to create this lifeline with another human being in a world that too often feels crushingly lonely.

Howard's surprised by how confident he feels that she'll answer his letters when they meet Barbara back at the pier. He's even smiling, although the dark glasses are still on.

Since Barbara had left to get something for John, she felt that a shopping trip was in order, if only to prove that she had, indeed, gone shopping. So by the time she up with Rose and Howard, Barbara had a few bags in tow.

She had been sitting in the sun, enjoying the feeling of warmth on her skin with the others returned. Howard always looked so lovely when he smiled. It was the very first things she noticed. That and how at ease they both seemed.

Barbara stood and smiled at them both. "Do you have plans for dinner, Rose? We'd love to treat you - I found a rather nice restaurant I'd like to try. If that's alright with Hal, of course."

"I don't have any plans, no." Rose smiles. "Hal can worry himself without me if it's a problem for him. Where were you thinking?

Howard grins wide enough that one of his missing teeth show. It's a rare expression. Even if he's concerned about eating in front of Rose, that she actually volunteered means a lot. He glances towards Barbara's bags. "What'd you get?"

"Not a lot," Barbara replied with a happy smile. "Just some clothes for John and Ian. When you have children, you'll be grateful for how long you can go between buying clothes for yourself," she added to Rose.

"How old are your children?" Rose asks. Howard doesn't correct that Barbara and Ian only have one, instead tilting his head to the side and trying to see what Barbara chose as clothing gifts.

Barbara smiled at Rose. "Aside from Howard, I've only one child, and he's almost a year old now." She handed her shopping to Howard and fished around in her handbag for her purse. "Here, I've a picture somewhere. Ah - it's a little old now, he's grown rather a lot since then, but that's John and Ian. My husband."

The photograph slid easily out of the little clear window in her purse. It was faded somewhat, but still quite clear. A proud Ian with a large, beaming smile, held up a tiny John who, at the time, was only just becoming more alert. He stared at the camera with large, round, blue eyes. Blue like Ian's.

"This one's from our wedding," Barbara continued, pulling out another photograph that was older and more faded. Even so, it was still clear and vibrant enough that Howard, Ian and Barbara could be easily made out. It lived in another pocket that unfortunately didn't have a window, but Barbara was just as proud to show it off. "Howard was Ian's best man, much to Ian's brother's displeasure. Or so I heard."

Howard tries not to look as surprised as he is with how Barbara qualifies him as one of hers. His smile disappears into the apples of his cheeks, but he's looking out at the water and not at them, so it's lost.

"He's beautiful. Beautiful eyes. And you look lovely in your wedding gown." Rose peers at the photograph. "So you and Ian...you officially adopted Howard?"

"Not officially, but our parents don't know that. It was originally a way to give him a place to live and food to eat without anyone getting suspicious, or drawing attention to ourselves. But even before we came home, I loved Howard as though he were my own."

She smiled proudly at Rose, then at Howard who was looking out at the water. "Now he's all grown up and left home, has a job of his own..." there really was no end to how proud Barbara could be of Howard. Even if he did make mistakes every now and again.

"I'm technically undocumented, because of, you know, the time travel, so they couldn't adopt me back then anyway. And now I'm too old for it." His smile wavers a little; it's not as if he doesn't believe Barbara, but there's a limit to how loved he can feel before he gets preoccupied thinking about how he'll lose it. "Anyway, I could have made it on my own if I have to, they just were really kind."

And while he says that, he doubts he'd be alive if not for Ian and Barbara. Especially Barbara. It would have been too easy to lose hope entirely.

"He told me about being a mechanic and wanting to write," Rose says. "And about you and Ian being teachers. I suppose that probably helped with the writing bit."

"Um," Barbara wasn't too sure if they helped so much with his writing, "I suppose I've edited a few pieces for him, but I don't think we've done much more than that." She looked to Howard for confirmation as Rose handed back her photographs and they were put away.

"Barbara was the first person to tell me my writing wasn't stupid," Howard says. Granted, that's because she was one of the first who ever saw it, but still.

"Is this the restaurant?" Rose points at one of them.

"Yes, that's the one," Barbara happily replied. The restaurant was designed specifically for tourists, and a lot of them at that. Pictures of American landmarks were framed and put up around the walls. The ceiling was painted with a large street map of the city, and the menus featured pictures of the bridge.

They were shown to a table located near an enthusiastic and large family, who were taking pictures of one another and talking in a foreign tongue. Barbara could catch a few words thanks to the TARDIS, but only if she focused on what they were saying.

"Do you and Hal have a favourite place to eat?" Barbara asked Rose once they were settled.

Howard finds the seat at the table furthest away from the family; he flinches slightly every time one of the little kids gives an enthusiastic yelp, although he tries very hard to hide that and just glance at the map on the ceiling whenever it happens. The woman in the large family gives the trio a curious, disapproving look, but she's too far away for Howard to hear what she whispers to the father.

Rose goes into detail describing the restaurant Hal proposed to her at, and it's clear from the way she talks about him that she really does love him, and he feels the same about her. The waiter actually has to interrupt her when he arrives to take their order. "And I'm guessing Ian did something similar for you?"

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