But Time Takes Time, You Know [Musebox]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

It's hard to research things that haven't happened yet, Howard discovers. Rather than hitting the library, like he would have on Stacy, he has to spend a lot of time thinking, sitting around talking to Barbara about every detail he remembers of his family history. Every year that passes by, the memories get a little more obscure, a little less refined, and he starts to panic, thinking that he won't have enough information to track down his family at all soon.

Over endless cups of tea, Barbara asks questions ("do you remember your mother's maiden name? do you know where your father's parents were from before they came to California? do you remember what their professions were?") to try and drag out the useful information, but it ends up being a stray memory of a Christmas dinner that puts the pieces in place.

"My grandma has to be in San Francisco. They had a one year wedding anniversary ornament on the Christmas tree of the Golden Gate Bridge, and I'm pretty sure they got married in 1969."

What they were doing in San Francisco is beyond his knowledge, but it's the closest they have to a shot. He doesn't know what hospitals his parents were born in, or where his paternal grandparents might be now, or even what year his parents are going to meet. It takes a lot of agonizing before he decides to spend all that money he's been saving in a can under the sink on plane tickets for him and Barbara to go there, but when he invites her she agrees that it's important to him, and besides, how often does one get to vacation in America?

So they both have suitcases packed and a promise to be back in ten days, waiting for Ian in the kitchen to come drive them to the airport. Howard's nervous, naturally, because he's not sure how he'll introduce himself to total strangers as their grandkid from the future. But he's come to relax a bit - a bit - over the last few years, and as such he just chews his lip and bounces his leg a bit rather than panics. He even got six hours of sleep last night. It's truly a miracle.

Comments

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"I'm not meaning getting into a fight, or anything. I just mean..." He shrugs. He doesn't know what he wants from his grandparents so he doesn't know what 'going badly' really means. "I never thought I'd see anyone from my biological family again."

It feels weird, still, quantifying them as his biological family rather than just 'family' outright.

[first_in_time]

"You do have a distinct look when you're uncomfortable, or worried," she told him, putting aside the wrappings from her finished meal. "I can always subtly come back when I think you need help, or when you might want to leave. But if you want me by your side, I can do that, too. Whatever you would like, Howard."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"'Kay." He gives her hand a squeeze. "Thanks."

They spend the rest of the day wandering around the pier and the park near the science museum. The jet lag gets to them early, and they call it a night after a burger joint dinner at 7pm. Howard seems distracted, and that's largely because he's exhausted and worried, but he's still appreciating the trip.

He manages to fall asleep in the hotel before Barbara, while she's making a good morning call to Ian, and dozes off with his fingers crossed. Tomorrow's a day of reckoning, for him.

[first_in_time]

Barbara was sleep soon after. Once she'd made certain that both Ian and John were safe and happy, sleep came easily. It was the waking which hurt.

Although Barbara slept deeply, and well, waking up was difficult. She wanted to continue sleeping for the rest of the day, but she had to get up. Her body ached in protest but she managed to sit up in bed at least.

Her first thought: where was Howard?

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Pacing through the hotel hallways, waiting for the continental breakfast to open up. He's already eaten his way through the mini-fridge. He checks on Barbara approximately every fifteen minutes, which includes now.

"Morning, sleepyhead. You need coffee?" He sounds chipper despite the shake in his voice.

[first_in_time]

"A cup of coffee might be a good idea," she replied but barely paused to let him go and get the coffee, "how are you feeling?"

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

He considers lying to her and saying he feels fine - after all, it's what he does when they're back in England, pretend things are better than they are. But having seen the impact that talking about his hospital visit had on her, he decides she'll probably see through any lies.

"Terrified. But ready. I'm pretty sure I'm ready." There's one of those small Folger coffeemakers in their room, and he starts it up. "I'm like...zen. Zen in terror."

[first_in_time]

Barbara was happy that he'd chosen to to be truthful rather than covering up how he felt. "That's understandable, but at least it shows just how much you care about the situation."

She got up and scratched the side of her head where the bedhair was at its worst. Howard was in her special circle where she could look awful with her unbrushed hair and it didn't matter. Only her parents in law, siblings in law, Ian and her don occupied that circle these days. Howard was very special indeed.

"What time did you want to head out?" she asked, bow standing by his side.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"I don't want to care so much. I want to be totally cool with it if I get brushed off by my only living family." He sighs and pours the coffee for them, sitting next to her on the bed. After a moment he reaches over and tousles her messy hair.

"Whenever you're ready. I got no idea what time of day they get there, so I'm mostly just going to stake out with a corndog and wait." Knowing his luck, he bets they won't come until late night.

[first_in_time]

Barbara squeaked at having her hair tousled, and tried to poke Howard's ticklish places without spilling either of their cups of coffee.

"Alright, well, let me just tidy myself up then we can go and get some breakfast on our way to the bridge."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Howard startles and squirms away, keeping the coffee safe. A few years ago he'd have been upset at Barbara for invading his space in retaliation, even as a joke. He's most over that, now.

"Sounds good. There'll be fireworks tonight, too. It's the anniversary of the bridge."

[first_in_time]

"I've a feeling that I should have done some research on this bridge before we visited," Barbra said after another sip of coffee. "How old will it be?"

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"It's 1.7 miles long with suspension and truss architecture and took four years to build. It's mostly made out of steel and at the highest point it's, uh, 746 feet up and 90 feet wide," he rattles off. "And it was built from 1933 to 1937. Do I get an A plus?"

[first_in_time]

"An A plus and a principal award," Barbara grinned. She had another sip, half finishing the cup of coffee. "I should dress and straighten myself out. I won't be offended if you wanted to go for a walk instead of standing around here waiting for me."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"I'm going to run in circles around the hotel. Come get me when you're done." He gives her a salute, chugs his coffee and leaves to do just that.

[first_in_time]

Barbara nodded and left him to it. She showered to make herself somewhat more alert, and came back to lukewarm coffee. It didn't matter, however, and she finished the half a cup in two mouthfuls, so that she was better able to put up her hair, clean her teeth, and carefully apply a small amount of makeup.

Once she was presentable, Barbara went down stairs with the room key, and her purse. She waited out the front of the hotel for Howard to run past her.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

He does, and comes to a stop when he sees her. At least some of the excess nervous energy is burned off - over the last few years this has become a much better way of coping with it than chewing his fingers down bloody or bingeing, and he tries to stick to it rather than going into old habits.

"Ready. It's a bit of a walk, but we'll be there by like, nine. I bet they won't be there yet."

[first_in_time]

"It's a nice way to see some more of the city," she reasoned in her usual positive manner. "And if we pass a nice looking bakery, we can get some breakfast, too."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Yeah. Good idea. I don't want to eat in front of them." Comments over time from strangers and even from people who know him have made him incredibly self-conscious.

"Maybe we can check out the Castro after this. It's supposed to be the place for young free spirits and stuff." A.k.a. gay folk, not like Howard will admit to that.

[first_in_time]

Barbara smiled. "Whatever you would like to do." Although the idea of 'young free spirits' didn't sound particularly tasteful, but it was Howard's holiday.

To their luck, a bakery was located just around the corner. Barbara bought bagels for herself and Howard, passing Howard's over while saying: "think of this as partial payment for all the fun things you're going to show me this week."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Thank goodness Barbara hadn't gone to Woodstock. Thank goodness.

He scarfs down the bagel. "Well, we can't rent a car so we're kind of stuck in the city, but we could see a musical, and there are parks and museums and all." He can't really afford either but he'll dig deep and dumpster dive when they get home. "You don't owe me any payment. I mean, you guys put a roof over my head for four years."

[first_in_time]

"We were only doing what any decent person would have done." Plus, she wasn't going to leave Stacey and let Howard go back to how he was before. "Let's meet your grandparents first and then we'll decide what to do."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"You got a way higher opinion of what it takes to be decent." Or maybe there just aren't near enough decent people. God knows that worldwide, there are plenty of teenagers who never received and never will receive the kind of patience, resources and compassion that Ian and Barbara showed him.

The walk to the bridge takes a while, and Howard sets himself up near the most obvious souvenir shop. He knows it's no guarantee that he'll see them, or honestly that they even came here this day or were on the bridge instead of one of the many other shops in San Francisco, but this is the closest chance he'll have for maybe another decade, maybe longer. He has to try. He sits cross-legged on the sidewalk, looking at each face of any like-looking passerby as if trying to find a common feature, a familiar nose or eyes or smile. He doesn't even really know what they look like as twenty-somethings.

He tries to bat the sense of futility away. It ain't over until it's over. And until then, he has Barbara and bagel seeds.

[first_in_time]

Barbara glanced at the over priced nick-knacks on display. Little models of the bridge, American flags, postcards, hats, bags, buttons...lots and lots. She turned back to Howard.

"What are we looking for specifically?" she asked, glancing a little at the crowd as they walked slowly toward them.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"I'm...not entirely sure." His heart feels like it's going to pound its way out of his chest and he doesn't know if he can wait with this mixture of dread and anxiety for a few hours. "Their names are Rose and Hal. I don't know what they'll look like, though, hair or clothes or anything, but everyone always said I looked like a young version of my grandpa, so..."

So look for family resemblance, maybe.