But Time Takes Time, You Know [Musebox]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

It's hard to research things that haven't happened yet, Howard discovers. Rather than hitting the library, like he would have on Stacy, he has to spend a lot of time thinking, sitting around talking to Barbara about every detail he remembers of his family history. Every year that passes by, the memories get a little more obscure, a little less refined, and he starts to panic, thinking that he won't have enough information to track down his family at all soon.

Over endless cups of tea, Barbara asks questions ("do you remember your mother's maiden name? do you know where your father's parents were from before they came to California? do you remember what their professions were?") to try and drag out the useful information, but it ends up being a stray memory of a Christmas dinner that puts the pieces in place.

"My grandma has to be in San Francisco. They had a one year wedding anniversary ornament on the Christmas tree of the Golden Gate Bridge, and I'm pretty sure they got married in 1969."

What they were doing in San Francisco is beyond his knowledge, but it's the closest they have to a shot. He doesn't know what hospitals his parents were born in, or where his paternal grandparents might be now, or even what year his parents are going to meet. It takes a lot of agonizing before he decides to spend all that money he's been saving in a can under the sink on plane tickets for him and Barbara to go there, but when he invites her she agrees that it's important to him, and besides, how often does one get to vacation in America?

So they both have suitcases packed and a promise to be back in ten days, waiting for Ian in the kitchen to come drive them to the airport. Howard's nervous, naturally, because he's not sure how he'll introduce himself to total strangers as their grandkid from the future. But he's come to relax a bit - a bit - over the last few years, and as such he just chews his lip and bounces his leg a bit rather than panics. He even got six hours of sleep last night. It's truly a miracle.

Comments

Re: She'll be fine :)

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Yeah, I know." He doesn't feel welcome as long as John's around, but he knows he can't just expect them to get rid of their kid whenever he wants to come by. "But I guess most people my age live on their own anyway. It's just kind of weird, you know, waking up every night and wanting to be somewhere else."

He's gotten so much better over the years that it isn't stressful at all to wait for the coffee and tea to cool a bit before drinking them - in sips, rather than hungry gulps.

[first_in_time]

Barbara patted his knee. She wanted him at the house but there was no point in forcing him, or trying to convince him. He'd come when he was ready, and not before.

"Well, you know our door is always open for you."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Just you wait. I'll move in with you when I'm 45." He takes a sip of coffee. "And have no less than twenty-seven cats."

[first_in_time]

"We'll be old and incapable of adventures by then. You might like living with us even more," she grinned back.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"The Doctor's probably going to come and try to drag you around anyway." He fakes a pout. "I wonder if I'll get bored by then, of like, a normal life and all."

[first_in_time]

"Maybe," she replied, "I can't imagine that you would, though. You've lived through enough adventure - and so have we, mind."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Yeah. I like it boring, when the most interesting thing that happens is the water heater going out." And traveling across the globe to stalk your future grandparents. That's totally normal. "I mean, it's still not...average, I guess. But that might just be me, or us, or I don't know. I don't think you can ever totally go back to average, you know?"

He finishes the coffee and turns his attention to the tea. "Anyway, I'm doing okay these last few weeks. You don't have to worry about me."

[first_in_time]

Barbara would always worry about Howard. It was her instinct. "Well, let's hope that you keep going okay," she said and picked up one of the biscuits. "It makes me happy to think that you've come so far."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

He doesn't tell her he still has good stretches and awful stretches. He's sure she knows, just because of the way he sometimes stops calling for weeks or seems less present than unusual. There's just nothing that can really be done about it - he's already taken up her and Ian's offer to see a shrink, and the appointments remain a background fixture in his life.

"Yeah?" He takes a cookie too. "I mean. I don't know where I would be if you guys hadn't swooped in. Pretty sure I wouldn't be okay living alone."

[first_in_time]

Barbara smiled and shrugged. "You're a pleasure to have around. I was hardly going to say goodbye to you and Stacey. That would have just been far too difficult."

Of course she's forgetting about the arguments and the stealing, and the psychotic episodes which meant there were cans of food in the couch all the time, and a knife always by his side.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"I don't know, I don't really miss Stacy much. She was kind of condescending." He misses his friends on Stacy. It's always easier to socialize with other people who've also lived through bizarre things, rather than live a lie, like he does with his coworkers. He's gotten a little better at being around strangers, although he still lacks the close friendships he had on the ship.

"Did you know your grandparents?" Since in a way, he'll just be meeting his. He remembers them in their sixties, not in their twenties.

[first_in_time]

"For a time," she sighed and crossed her legs before taking another bite from the biscuit. "They died before the war. My grandmother never worked a day in her life, which was common in her time, and my grandfather was a carpenter. My mother still has a lot of the furniture he made."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Howard secretly hates it whenever he feels sympathy for Joan. "How old were you?"

He takes a bite of cookie. "I liked - like-" He's not sure what tense to use talking about people who are still alive. "Liked mine. My cousins used to beat me up, so I'd hang out with my grandma so they'd leave me alone. She taught me how to cheat at card games, but I wasn't allowed to tell on her because she was a little old lady and nobody likes a snitch."

[first_in_time]

"Oh, I was about five or six. Young enough in any case." Barbara smiled with nostalgia. "Your grandmother sounds rather sweet. Did she teach you anything else?"

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"I don't think I even remember anything that far back." He tries to think. It seems like a lot of his life before his teenage years are out of focus, and he wonders if he loses more and more of the detail each year. "No, I don't think so. They lived up in Sacramento, so we only went up to see them for holidays, mostly. And I totally don't cheat at cards anymore."

He grins. That's a joke. He's an incorrigible cheater.

[first_in_time]

Barbara grinned back. She remembered that one time they played Black Jack. It certainly seemed like a good idea at the time, and having been so pregnant at the time, she was hardly going to take a stroll around the neighbourhood for the evening.

Ian was still sore about his losses.

An announcement rang out, calling passengers to board their plane. "I think that's us," Barbara said and got up from the seat to put their rubbish in the bin.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Right." Howard gets his suitcase and Barbara's and waddles his way over to the gate. The line isn't long, and is progressing fairly quickly. He smiles at her. "Scared yet?"

Of the great many things that scare Howard, travel by plane, surprisingly, isn't really one of them.

[first_in_time]

"Not yet," she replied and tried to take back her bag, which she was completely capable of carrying.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Howard tugs it back. "I need the workout." Not that carrying the extra suitcase, which doesn't really have anything heavy in it, is much of a 'workout'.

Their tickets are taken and they're directed into the airplane. The inside of the airplane is warm and clean-feeling. They're self-chosen seats, so Howard looks to Barbara to decide which one they should take. "You want aisle or window?"

[first_in_time]

"Why don't you take the aisle?" she offered. "Then when you get tired of sitting for so long, it'll be easier for you to get up and move."

Barbara was still under the impression that Howard still fidgeted and moved a lot despite the extra pound or two.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Sounds good to me." He is, unfortunately, too short to really be much use getting the suitcases in the overhead compartment. Whomever designed the compartments clearly meant them for average-sized adult men.

Barbara would be right. He does still fidget and get restless, and still goes for long runs every morning. Weight gain's just an unfortunate effect of eating several thousand unnecessary calories a day, just because they're there.

"You're allowed to sleep on the plane too, you know. You don't have to entertain me all the way across the Atlantic." He pauses. "I mean, you can tell me a little about John. I don't really mind hearing about him."

[first_in_time]

As Barbara heard that, she was sitting in her seat since their bags were safely away, and she beamed up at Howard.

"Are you sure?" she asked, "You really wouldn't mind?"

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Really. I do actually, you know, care what goes on in your life." Which is why he spies and keeps an eye on things. Just because he doesn't like being around children doesn't mean he doesn't care that Barbara loves hers.

He takes his seat and leans over Barbara's seat slightly so he can also see out the window. That's the best part of riding a plane.

[first_in_time]

Window or no window, Barbara reached for her purse where she kept a couple of pictures.

"He's talking now," she said with quiet excitement as she dug around in her bag, "not complete sentences, mind, just key words. Sometimes he'll string a few together but not like we do. And he loves to pull out the pots and pans when we're not looking -- here."

The two pictures in her purse were small and simple; the first of which was taken a few days after John was born. He was in Ian's arms half asleep. The grin Ian wore was certainly that of a proud father. Barbara's second picture was just of John surrounded by pots and pans. He wore a grin that someone might have said belong to both Ian and Barbara. John's eyes were of the same blue that Ian's were made out of, and his thick hair was clearly inherited from Barbara.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"The pots and pans? Is he trying to be a drummer? Because I could teach him a thing or two, someday." It's strange to talk about this as if it's something that someday will happen, meeting John. As if there's nothing weird about Howard estranging himself, as if it hasn't happened at all.

The pilot announces that they'll be departing shortly.

Howard takes the pictures and looks at them. "He looks just like you." It's not envy in Howard's voice as he observes that, but something just a little sad.

"What was his first word?"