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[Howard figured out from ChatRoulette years ago that setting up the camera slightly beneath him makes him look taller, and as such he finds a rock to set it on out in the woods. He casts a wary glance at the Sneasel prowling around on all fours a few feet away, out of the frame, then turns the Gear on.

He has dark circles under his eyes and keeps glancing at the sky as if checking to make sure the sun hasn't set. He clearly hasn't slept yet today.]

Uh, hi, guys. I guess you're all more used to these kinds of things than I am-

[He's interrupted as the Sneasel hops up on the rock and pushes the Gear onto the ground. To those watching from the outside, the camera lens is suddenly obscured by a rather detailed and up-close view of the grass. There's the sound of Howard swearing at his starter and the camera pans again; it's in Howard's hands now, and he's aiming it at the Sneasel, which is now licking between its foot-claws innocently.]

Are Pokémon usually dangerous? I kind of got saddled with this...cat weasel mall-goth thing. And I don't know how smart it is. I mean, it looks dumb as a sack of hair- [the Sneasel's ears flatten] but I'm pretty sure it knows when I'm talking smack about it. And ever since I called it an oversized fluorescent bunny I've been worried that it's going to shank me as soon as I turn my back on it.

Get a look at these claws it's got...

[The camera on the PokéGear zooms in to get a good, good look at the Sneasel's long, shiny, stabby claws. Then Howard turns the camera back on himself.]

So my question is, is it safe for me to go to sleep or should I get the heck out of Dodge first?

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[Before Riku even responds, his Weavile hops into view, viewing the camera with a deadpan stare and crossed arms.]

Sneasels, my friend, are far from 'dumb'. On the contrary, they are quite interligent beings, as evidenced by my refined grasp of the human rrlanguage.

[Yeah, it just talked. This is a thing. Fortunately, his trainer's ready to do damage control before things get outta hand.]

...Okay, first of all, don't freak out. Slash is... pretty adamant about talking to people lately. As for your question, they can be dangerous, so you're better off not insulting it. Better to have it on your side than make enemies at this stage.

[Howard's first opinion is that apparently, these weird weaselcats can get even more tackily accessorized than his current one. Is that a headdress?

His second opinion is the sudden and very unpleasant memory of nearly being killed by talking coyotes back home. Of their teeth in his heel, dragging him.]

Oh, hell no. [He turns off camera.] If you can talk, why didn't you say something? Why didn't you ask permission before you went through my stuff?!

[A hiss and chatter from off-camera. Howard turns back to Riku and Slash.]

Do they - you - them, do they all learn to talk? Because that'd facilitate this relationship like, a lot. Her way of communicating now is to hiss at me and fluff up her tailfeathers!

[Which is probably nicer than Howard's way of communicating, which is mostly insults.]

They don't normally talk, Slash is just... kind of eccentric and obsesses over being seen as an equal.

[The Weavile scoffs, running a clawed hand over his feathers.]

I prefer the term "dedicated", or perhaps persistent!

[Cue eyeroll.]

Yours could probably learn if she wanted to, but to put things into perspective, Slash has been at this for about a year, and he's only just now getting his L's down.

He does have kind of a funny accent. [Howard doesn't look thrilled by the idea of Rations being that smart. Nor at the idea that 'Slash' is a suitable name for members of the species. He was hoping that the claws were somewhat decorative.

But he can understand wanting to be treated on equal footing.]

Sorry for um, insulting your species, Slash. And uh...sorry for freaking out at you, Rations.

[He reaches over as if to pat her head, does so against the grain, and Rations turns her attention away from staring at the Woobat to hiss at him.]

An honest mistake, I suppose.

[He strokes his chin. Really, humans have done sillier things before.

And when Rations hisses, Riku has to fight back a chuckle.]

Sheesh. Is she always that temperamental?

Where I come from, we have talking coyotes, who are too dumb to hold a conversation with but too smart to turn your back on.

[Howard retracts his hand from Rations' head and shrugs.]

I only known her six hours. Maybe she's got...I don't know, colic. Colic for Sneasels.

[Or maybe she's just pissed at getting named 'Emergency Rations'. Crazy thought.]

Well, if it's any consolation, most Pokémon won't try and eat you alive or anything.

[...Key word being most.]

And some Pokémon take a while to warm up to their trainers. Best bet's to humor her a little. Maybe take her out to battle if that helps blow off some steam.

Don't think I didn't notice that you didn't say 'all'.

[Howard looks at Rations again, who's back to staring at the Woobat.]

Alright, I'll do that. Thanks for the tips. Hey, Rash, want to find some superpowered mouse things or something to beat up?

Let's just say I've had some bad experiences with a bloodthirsty dinosaur.

[Shudder.]

But hey, no problem. Hopefully you and your partner will smooth out all the wrinkles in your relationship. You two might be stuck together for a while.

There are dinosaurs here?

[Rations bats at the camera. Her claws make a clacking noise against the gear's plastic outside. The point of view bobbles around.]

I got no idea how I'm supposed to get more of these guys. One seems like more than enough of a handful.

Sometimes I wish I was in your position, actually. Having fewer mouths to feed has gotta be easier on the pocketbook than juggling several dozen.

[...And, d'aww. The batting makes Riku snicker a little-- it's cute, even if he'd never admit it out loud.]

But yeah, there are dinosaurs, living trash bags... and ice cream cones with faces. You haven't seen anything yet.

Yeah, that's an awesome motivation for me not to get any more of these. This one here already tried to take my stuff, and I can't spend all my time scavenging.

[He sounds like someone who takes this way too seriously. Food is a tetchy subject for him.]

What, no killer tetherballs yet? Why not psychic lawnmowers?

You could always get a few others to keep her in line. Maybe that'd even things out?

[Riku laughs at the proposed 'mons, though. Tetherballs? That really would be something.]

Well, there is a ghost that can possess a lawnmower, but I wouldn't worry too much if you find a tetherball post.

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