One [Video]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

[Howard figured out from ChatRoulette years ago that setting up the camera slightly beneath him makes him look taller, and as such he finds a rock to set it on out in the woods. He casts a wary glance at the Sneasel prowling around on all fours a few feet away, out of the frame, then turns the Gear on.

He has dark circles under his eyes and keeps glancing at the sky as if checking to make sure the sun hasn't set. He clearly hasn't slept yet today.]

Uh, hi, guys. I guess you're all more used to these kinds of things than I am-

[He's interrupted as the Sneasel hops up on the rock and pushes the Gear onto the ground. To those watching from the outside, the camera lens is suddenly obscured by a rather detailed and up-close view of the grass. There's the sound of Howard swearing at his starter and the camera pans again; it's in Howard's hands now, and he's aiming it at the Sneasel, which is now licking between its foot-claws innocently.]

Are Pokémon usually dangerous? I kind of got saddled with this...cat weasel mall-goth thing. And I don't know how smart it is. I mean, it looks dumb as a sack of hair- [the Sneasel's ears flatten] but I'm pretty sure it knows when I'm talking smack about it. And ever since I called it an oversized fluorescent bunny I've been worried that it's going to shank me as soon as I turn my back on it.

Get a look at these claws it's got...

[The camera on the PokéGear zooms in to get a good, good look at the Sneasel's long, shiny, stabby claws. Then Howard turns the camera back on himself.]

So my question is, is it safe for me to go to sleep or should I get the heck out of Dodge first?

Comments

[ video ]

[unended]

I think...she looks more sad that you're talking about her like that than angry. Maybe you should try to make it up to her.

Re: [ video ]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

[Howard raises an eyebrow.] It's not my fault she looks stupid and smells funny.

[There's a snarling sound off-camera.]

Whoa, whoa, easy there, kitty. I didn't mean it, really. Um, anyway, how do you make it up to Pokémon if they're pissed off? I mean, I only started yelling at her because she was trying to steal things out of my backpack, but I'm not letting her eat my stuff. No way.

[ video ]

[unended]

...well you should stop saying that kind of thing. [ is it not obvious? ]

But if you travel along the path you might find some berries, mine seem to like those. If it'd make you feel safer you can keep her in her pokeball. [ a xatu appears behind him and just kind of rests her beak on his shoulder. she is staring riiight at you, no blinking. ]

You're going to need her out for battles though, the wild pokemon do attack sometimes, so you should start trying to get along with her better.

[Video]

[foolishwren]

_{[WELL if insulting your starter is a crime, Heather's guilty, Your Honor, but she's got the safety net of her starter being dumb as a brick. Buuuut that Sneasel looks... um. NOT AS STUPID AS HOWARD SAYS.]}

We-ell...

For starters, you might wanna keep it in its Pokeball while you sleep...

Re: [Video]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

[The stupid thing's glitzed out like it just walked away from a clearance rack at Claire's. Seriously, hot pink asymmetrical feathers? Gold pendants? It's like Rations is ten seconds away from yowling out a Paramore song.]

Dumb question, but. How do I do that? And can she get out? I mean, the ball looks kind of flimsy and her claws look kind of...not.

Seriously, what are those, grappling hooks?

[Video]

[foolishwren]

_{[Well... dumb intelligence-wise, anyway... Looks-wise, Heather's definitely not a fan of the glam-goth look.]}

You... y'know, point the ball at 'em and say 'Return'.

I mean, if they TRY hard enough they can pop out of it again, but usually it's pretty foolproof.

_{[She does lean into the screen a little more though, to get a better look at those claws. Enjoy a nice close-up view of split-ends and freckles, Howie.]}

But yeah, uh... no offense're anything... but at what point did it seem like a good idea to make disparaging comments about something with gut-cutters like that? Within earshot?

[video]

[rocketralph]

_{[Looks like somebody has a pain-in-the-neck partner like he does.]}

They're smarter than you'd think. Word of warning, pal, these things can be poisonous.

Re: [video]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

...they what?

[An expression of horror crawls over Howard's face, and the background moves a bit as he clearly tries to put some distance between him and his Sneasel.]

Isn't it bad enough they have claws? What, are they going to spit fire and shoot laser beams next?

[video]

[rocketralph]

_{[You see that look, Howard? That's the long-suffering look of a man who's only been here for a couple of months and has already seen way too much.]}

I'd get a helmet if I were you.

[ video ]

[gracefall]

They understand? ...I guess that's why my fish is scared of me. [ because she was talking about cooking it. she looks down at the pokeball she's holding. ]

Oops...

Re: [ video ]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Why, did you name it Sushi? Because if so, I like you.

[Maybe he shouldn't have named his starter Emergency Rations, but she seemed to take less offense to that than when he chased her away from ransacking his backpack.]

[ video ]

[gracefall]

Well...I don't know what sushi is but I'm pretty sure she's scared because I was talking about how to descale and cook her.

[ the pokeball in her hand starts to rattle and shake. ]

I'm not going to! Really! [ it was an honest mistake, how was she supposed to know the fish was her war beast or whatever. ]

[brokethecycle]

You know, usually when you don't want something to kill you in your sleep, it helps to not be a complete jerk it.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Thank you, genius, but that bridge done been burned.

Besides, she tried to steal my stuff.

[brokethecycle]

Then I guess that one's all you.

What would a pokemon want with your stuff?

video

[islandshore]

[Before Riku even responds, his Weavile hops into view, viewing the camera with a deadpan stare and crossed arms.]

Sneasels, my friend, are far from 'dumb'. On the contrary, they are quite interligent beings, as evidenced by my refined grasp of the human rrlanguage.

[Yeah, it just talked. This is a thing. Fortunately, his trainer's ready to do damage control before things get outta hand.]

...Okay, first of all, don't freak out. Slash is... pretty adamant about talking to people lately. As for your question, they can be dangerous, so you're better off not insulting it. Better to have it on your side than make enemies at this stage.

Re: video

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

[Howard's first opinion is that apparently, these weird weaselcats can get even more tackily accessorized than his current one. Is that a headdress?

His second opinion is the sudden and very unpleasant memory of nearly being killed by talking coyotes back home. Of their teeth in his heel, dragging him.]

Oh, hell no. [He turns off camera.] If you can talk, why didn't you say something? Why didn't you ask permission before you went through my stuff?!

[A hiss and chatter from off-camera. Howard turns back to Riku and Slash.]

Do they - you - them, do they all learn to talk? Because that'd facilitate this relationship like, a lot. Her way of communicating now is to hiss at me and fluff up her tailfeathers!

[Which is probably nicer than Howard's way of communicating, which is mostly insults.]

video;

[timelymaid]

Sneasel can be pretty tempermental, but most starters seem pretty loyal to their partners, so I wouldn't be too worried about it.

Re: video;

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

She doesn't seem very loyal. A big yellow caterpillar sneezed at her and she hightailed it half a mile away.

[video]

[razputin]

[Have Raz, and his Weavile. His Weavile is in the background, mind you. He's actually got a Woobat on his head.]
Well, I don't think it'll hurt you. You two kind of need each other.
But I don't think they like getting insulted.

Re: [video]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Hey, you have a gothy kittyweasel too! [Howard gestures and then holds the Gear up so Rations can see it.] One of your friends, Rations? She's got bigger feathers than you.

[Rations, for her part, just growls at the Woobat. Looks edible.]

[Video]

[moveslikestrider]

Might want to keep her in the pokeball for the night.

Gives you time to adjust and her to chill. [As he's talking his Ferligator looms over him and opens his mouth as if he's going to bite his head.]

Joke stopped being funny two hours ago, Jay.

[The pokemon snorts and wanders off, miffed his joke wasn't laughed at.]

Anyway, might want to cut out the smack talk, or at least explain whatever happened wasn't cool with you.

Re: [Video]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

[Well, it might not get a reaction from Dave, but Howard sees the Feraligatr looming and yelps, nearly dropping the Gear.]

The fuck is Godzilla doing here?!

[video]

[when_turks_fly]

Those are some rather impressive claws.

[ Really, they are and there's not a hint of fear in her voice as she regards the camera and the man on it. Anything in her tone that suggests she was impressed goes cleanly out of it now, though. ]

I'd be willing to bet it understood every word you said or close to it. Most of them do. That being said, I'd recommend you use your Pokedex to figure out its gender if it has one and do some serious damage control, especially if that's your starter.

[ Her own, a Scyther, is visible on camera at her side, casually sharpening his scythe arms with something of an amused look about his eyes. Valeria? Doesn't look bothered in the slightest. ]

From what you said, it sounds rather prideful.

Re: [video]

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

It's a girl. I think. Or it's a hipster guy who likes pink.

It shouldn't be. It looks ridiculous. [Howard figures that bridge done been burned, so he's not going to bother trying to repair it just yet with Rations. He looks up at the Scyther in the background and startles.]

Please tell me objects in the camera are smaller than they appear. That bug looks huge.