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[Howard figured out from ChatRoulette years ago that setting up the camera slightly beneath him makes him look taller, and as such he finds a rock to set it on out in the woods. He casts a wary glance at the Sneasel prowling around on all fours a few feet away, out of the frame, then turns the Gear on.

He has dark circles under his eyes and keeps glancing at the sky as if checking to make sure the sun hasn't set. He clearly hasn't slept yet today.]

Uh, hi, guys. I guess you're all more used to these kinds of things than I am-

[He's interrupted as the Sneasel hops up on the rock and pushes the Gear onto the ground. To those watching from the outside, the camera lens is suddenly obscured by a rather detailed and up-close view of the grass. There's the sound of Howard swearing at his starter and the camera pans again; it's in Howard's hands now, and he's aiming it at the Sneasel, which is now licking between its foot-claws innocently.]

Are Pokémon usually dangerous? I kind of got saddled with this...cat weasel mall-goth thing. And I don't know how smart it is. I mean, it looks dumb as a sack of hair- [the Sneasel's ears flatten] but I'm pretty sure it knows when I'm talking smack about it. And ever since I called it an oversized fluorescent bunny I've been worried that it's going to shank me as soon as I turn my back on it.

Get a look at these claws it's got...

[The camera on the PokéGear zooms in to get a good, good look at the Sneasel's long, shiny, stabby claws. Then Howard turns the camera back on himself.]

So my question is, is it safe for me to go to sleep or should I get the heck out of Dodge first?

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[Well, it might not get a reaction from Dave, but Howard sees the Feraligatr looming and yelps, nearly dropping the Gear.]

The fuck is Godzilla doing here?!

Shit, I should have named him that. [He pauses then shakes his head.] He was really tiny at first so Jay just seemed to fit. You get used to it...sort of.

Anyway, you can train bad habits out of them. Jay back there used to bite me constantly.

How are you not dead? I mean, even if he was...smaller than he is now...

[Howard doesn't want to live in a world where giant alligators just 'play around' with the idea of biting off your head.]

[Dave's world was crazy so his sense of normal is skewed.] It depends on their temper. He can get really pissy but, I raised him from an egg. On top of that, he's not super fast. If it came down to a fight, I'm faster and smaller. I can drop down let him get his attack going then wrap my arms around his jaws to keep them shut.

That's only if he wanted to really bite me. I taught him early I am not cool with that kind of behavior. He's gotten cocky because he evolved but, so long as you firmly establish who is boss, he falls in line with a grumble or two.

Bottom line is with the predatory sort you can't show fear. They see it and you can't form a good friendship. As crazy as that part sounds, basically what is going on. Back your dudes and they back you.

[Howard looks entirely horrified about the idea of fighting off a giant alligator by wrapping your arms around its mouth. Entirely.]

What if you're really, really bad at not showing fear? Like, kind of a condition of suck where you're really, really good at the shaking and sweating but really, really bad at...not doing that?

[He thinks about this. Really thinks about it.] It depends on the pokemon, honestly. Some of them wouldn't get it, not unless you explain to them. The thing on that person's side is Pokemon really won't hurt people. Not seriously. Just not in their nature.

It's only if they're trained to, will they. That's why I'm absolutely not afraid of Jay. He's big, he's vicious, but his diet? Berries. I'm not kidding. And I know all this doesn't make sense after what I last said. So I'll fill in the gap. Any pokemon you catch or hatch from an egg, is neutral with you at first.

Over time your actions decide how close they are to you.

That help any?

See, this other person up there said berries too, but that just seems...I mean, why does she have sharp pointy teeth if she's just going to eat berries? That sounds all wrong. It's not how evolution works.

[Oh Howard, just wait until you see how evolution happens in this universe.]

But...yeah, that does help.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Makes no sense for chompers that big to belong to a vegan. [You poor dude, you will soon seen evolution in action.] But then exploding angry pinecones make no sense but they exist here. Don't ask your pokemon to headbutt tress. It doesn't end well.

I'll keep that in mind, although I think Rations has figured that off already. She's more of a 'fall off rocks' kind of thing.

[Those claws don't seem to be that good at solid surfaces. Better for climbing.]

What kind of pinecones am I looking out for?

They're called Pineco, they have eyes. Which is a dead give away to leap clear. According to the dex, they like to explode to catch their prey. That is a dick move if I ever heard one.

Wow. And I thought those birds that replaced other bird's eggs with their own was an asshole.

This place sucks.

Look for the entries on the ghost type Pokemon. It only gets worse.

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